Wombats don’t like to fight. Some guy in Toledo had a bunch of Wombats in an attempt to start a wombat-fighting ring. Apparently he was pretty upset when his Wombats didn’t exhibit any violent behavior:
“The bastard who sold them to me said they were vicious killers,” said Kensington. “I paid $300 bucks for a pair of eucalyptus-leaf eating retards who just stare at each other with a dull glare.”
Kensington tried many techniques to get the wombats to fight, but all they would do is “eat and breed.”
“Yeah, I tried poking ’em with sticks, yelling at ’em, and dumping acid on their heads, but nothing seemed to work,” he said. “They just sit there and stare at you, drooling and grunting.”
The animals, said Kensington, have been a bad investment, and he was “relieved” when police arrived.
“Not only will they not fight, but they dig their way out of every kennel I’ve built,” he said. “Good riddance, I say about the smelly bastards.”